Here is my TMA3, where we were required to submit a total of 40 lites of poetry across one or more poems. I dropped another few marks but still in a decent mark so I'm not too upset. I am, however, frustrated with myself at where I lost the marks: archaic language and word inversion. My tutor said I would have gained an 'excellent' had I not had these. Also and unsurprisingly my weakest lines were the ones I threw in to make up the word limit. So I must try harder!
Not sure the formatting here will work on the first poem - I used tabs to align the '/'s but even all squished up I think you can see what I was trying to do.
As ever, feedback welcome.
My Dichotomy
last night was the best of my life / last night was the worst of my life
i could think of nothing but you / i could think of nothing but you
the soft brush of your beard on my lips / the tightening of your hands round my heart
the sensuous stroke of your fingers / the brutal assault on my senses
the naked honesty in your eyes / naked without my lies
it terrifies me / it terrifies me
how much caring for you pleases me / how much caring for you will cost me
my joy rebounds tenfold / my fear takes control
forever will i remember that time / forever will i regret that time
when we first shared each other / when i lost myself in me
you mastered the moment / you missed the moment
when you held me with your eyes / when i turned to hide my eyes
blinking away threatened tears / blinking away threatened tears
a whirlpool of emotions / a whirlpool of emotions
and how i pray our hope never ends / and how i know that when hope ends
it nourishes me / it will diminish me
i have faith in our strength of will / i'll have nothing left, not strength nor will
to see us through the challenges / to see me through the aftermath
to keep this treasure, newly found / renewed again, this pain of old
enclosed within my heart / enclosed within my heart
(20 lines)
Fault lines
Swollen cheek, tender and sore,
vicious tongue tied to the ground,
go on, push me just once more,
I'll get right up off the floor
quickly and without a sound,
swollen cheek, tender and sore,
get my things out of your drawer,
thrown together in a mound,
go on, push me just once more.
Leave my baggage at the door
where it will be easily found,
swollen cheek, tender and sore,
with my eyes a hole I'll bore
into your head when you abound,
go on, push me just once more.
Always wanting something more:
life without me being around.
Swollen cheek, tender and sore.
Go on; push me, just once more.
(19 lines)
